Home Alone


At first I was devastated when you left me alone. I would meow and wail and whine. Pace around the house and claw your favorite chair out of spite. Throw myself on the bed in defeat and wait agonizingly for your return.

But then one day it dawned on me – you weren’t there. You couldn’t scold me, or stop me from doing anything that I wanted to do. I could counter surf, taste the crumbs on the tabletop, pee in the plant, or drink from the toilet and NO ONE WOULD KNOW! How liberating.

Now, I look for signs of when you might be leaving: tension in the air, family members rounded- up. Then the shoes and coats come out of the closet. Finally, the jangle of keys and slap of the door as it closes behind you. My excitement level rises up as the car pulls down the driveway.

Warning! Read no further if you want to remain ignorant of how the cat plays while the mice (or owners) are away.

The first thing I do is get a refreshing sip of toilet water. Then over to the kitchen to clean the countertops. If the butter is left out, I might lick the top once for good luck. Next, a casual stroll across your pillows, pausing to scratch my ears and fling random fur. I will proceed to press my cute little nose against every window, exhaling briefly to make the maximum smudge mark.

Finally, I seek out any bug/mouse/old stinky thing I can find and scoop it into my mouth, carry it over to your clothes basket, and bury it inside. You won’t find it before washing and it will give your clothes a nice pungent smell.

If you are starting to sweat and worry, may I suggest investing in a kitty cam? I hear that Dropcam is affordable, has high-definition video, and can be accessed with a smart phone, tablet or computer.

If you are going away for more than a day, please make sure you have my favorite pet sitter from Four Paws come visit me and give me tasty treats!
She loves to play with me and she will let you know if I have done anything bad but more than anything you will know I am safe and sound.